An honest attempt

Well...I gave it an honest attempt, but I find myself needing to re-dedicate myself to some goals I have/had. I have learned a great lesson from my husband: it's never the wrong time to re-dedicate and you can never do it too much. He helps encourage me and lift me up when I need it most. So with that, I have some goals...

I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being sick all the time. I'm tired of being overweight and battling my image issues. I'm tired of not having a clean house and folded laundry. I'm tired of yelling at my children. I'm tired of dropping off/picking up children from school. I'm tired of setting goals and not doing anything about them. I'm tired of having dreams and not doing anything to persue them. I'm tired.

And so, I've decided I'm not going to be tired anymore. I've made up my mind. I feel great. I feel wonderful and alert and energetic and on those rare ;) days that I don't, I will fake it till I make it. I'm almost 30 (yikes!) and I'm not the person I want to be or feel like the Lord needs me to be. I have so much to be grateful for and so much good that has been given me. I truly feel inspired by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's recent address to the women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and from the recent Sunday School lesson I gave last Sunday. Life is a journey, and it's long and hard. Each of us come to Earth and face hardships, trials, heartaches and lonely times...but each of us have also been given our agency to choose peace, happiness and joy in our journies. I want to be this woman...the woman who chooses to find "joy in the journey".

I have written my goals down on paper but I want my children and my children's children, etc. to know that I have faith my weaknesses can become strengths as I turn to the Lord and allow Him to change me. Some of my goals have not changed all that much over the years, but I'd like to think I've learned some lessons with my challenges and I'm ready to hand them off now. If it's not the right time to have them removed from me, then I will press on like the prophet Paul and will continue forward with my own "thornes of the flesh" and will dig deep for the humility and faith required to find comfort and peace.

For posterity, some of my immediate goals are:
1. Spend 30 minds each day moving and shaking...either exercise, dance parties with the kids, mopping the kitchen floor (definitely a workout!), etc.

2. Take time out of my day to have quiet time with each of my children...reading, homework, talking, jumping on the tramp, etc.

3. Stay on top of the dishes...Seriously, I'm not ready to tackle the laundry beast yet...baby steps!

Some of my life-long goals:

1. Start and end each day in prayer ON MY KNEES! Kind of rediculous that this isn't already a life-long habit already formed, but it will be. IT WILL BE! I know how much it makes a difference in my life when I do.

2. Learn another language...It's easier for me to understand Spanish than it is Portequese, but I want to be able to serve a foreign mission with my husband but that probably won't happen if I can't speak another language.

I have much more listed in my notebook, but my children have just returned home and it's time to be mom.

Need a boost

I have a billion pictures I need to post, but if I don't write now, I'm afraid I won't. I need a spiritual boost. I don't have the time to go into it all, but suffice it to say that my soul is drooping. I'm so grateful for a friend I grew up with who has recently posted on her blog a book of mormon challenge for herself. She very bravely posted about her need for her Savior to help her and I came away feeling like it was for me. I needed to hear her brave and insightly words. I needed to hear of her experience. And I needed to come away with a challenge in my soul. So, for accountability purposes...I am going to read 4 chapters from the Book of Mormon every day until I'm done and I will post of my experiences and insights here. I would like to say it will happen regularly this posting, but it may not happen every day. I am so grateful for the blessings of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and I'm even more greatful for my Savior's patience and mercy that he daily extends to me. Let the challenge begin!

Nathan-ism

This last year at school (pre-K) Nathan had this girl in his class that he LOVED...Delilah. We're almost into the next school year (in 2 weeks...Yikes!) and he's still talking about her. Well, to his pleasant suprise he got a telephone call from said Delilah. They talked for a few minutes and the smile on that boy's face caused great fear and trembling in my heart. I got a text from Delilah's mother the next day telling me about her conversation with Delilah after they got off the phone.

Delilah: Mom, how do you know what love is?
Mom: -Pause- Ummmm....
Delilah: Because I think I love Nathan.

When I was telling this story to Eddie, my sweet but hearing like a hawk son responded, "Oh...I love Delilah too."

Fast forward a few weeks to today. My friend K was watching Nate and Drew and when I came to pick them up she had a few 'isms' for me. Nathan had informed K that he had a girlfriend named Delilah...and that he loved her because she was smart...(big pause)...."but not as smart as me" (Nate). K also told me that L and Drew were talking about getting married and Nathan chimes in:

"Drew, you can't marry L because you have to marry someone that Maggie likes and I don't know if Maggie likes L. We should check with Mom."

I'm pretty sure Nathan is a 6 year old going on 56.

Hot Texas Summer

Well we're well on our way towards the end of July already and I've failed to really take any pictures of our summer adventures. We've gone swimming practically every day, we've gone to the library frequently, and watched entirely too much PBS and QUBO. Doesn't it sound enticing?

Way to go EDDIE!!!

Eddie would never toot his own horn, so I will do that for him! Eddie met with his committee today to find out if his work is enough for him to graduate and move on to his second year of medical school...and the answer was a resounding YES! The committee seemed really pleased with his work, his PI (his boss Dr. Craig Powell) told Eddie it was the best committee meeting he's ever attended, and they've all agreed that Eddie is ready and scientifically mature enough to move on. Eddie has been putting in some crazy hours and it looks like even with this GIANT leap forward, he still has a long road ahead of him. Bascially, he gets to "graduate" and move on to medical school, but during this school year he is also going to be writing his dissertation and preparing to defend it while also preparing to take his first boards. I'm pretty nervous for him but this last year and half has taught me that we can do hard things and as long as he stays on top of things he should pull through and get his dissertation written before Christmas break. The hope is that he will be done writing and ready to defend by the New Year, but if he doesn't make that deadline for himself, he will put his dissertation aside until he's done taking the boards and will take an elective rotation out so he can finish. Bottom line is, he has done an amazing job and we're soooooo proud of him and all the extremely hard work he's put in to this. (Might I add, he's done all of this while serving as the Young Men's President) Truly, Eddie is amazing and I can't believe how much he's grown as he has had to presevere through this journey called "research" and that he finally gets to move on with his career. At this point, we know for sure that he will be done and graduated in 3 years and ready to move on to his residency. Way to go babe, I'm so proud of you!!!!

Babie's R' Us giveaway

I read my friend's post, see below, a while ago but for some reason spaced the idea of actually participating to try and win $100 to Babie's R' Us. Well better late than never right? Follow the link below to read all about how you can too!

http://funwithteamboo.blogspot.com/2011/05/please-dont-take-my-sunshine-away.html

Mother's Day 2011 and mini-update

I have a gazillion pictures and memories that I need to get down before they're lost from my mind but sadly I can't seem to find the time to do so. I think maybe I need to start realizing that each post doesn't need a bunch of pictures...although it's nice but if I wait to post with pictures then I never do it and I don't my children looking back at my "journal" and having complete years missing from their lives.

So with that:

Nathan has been busy with school and playing soccer and tormenting/being tormented by his younger brother. We just found out Nathan got in to the new charter school, Infinity Prep, here in Irving for next year and we are thrilled. We've talked to his teacher and parents of kids in the other charter school and some of the teachers in the Irving ISD and even one in what would be Nate's public school and it all boils down to this: Nate needs to be in the charter school because he needs to NOT be in J.O. Davis Elementary School. From everyone we've talked to, it's one of the worst schools in the district and Nathan is so far beyond where he should be, that he would just get lost. Infinity Prep can provide a more challenging curriculum and more flexibility when it comes to moving him to upper levels for reading and math. Eddie and I know he's a smart kid, but hearing it from his teacher now just kind of solidified for me what I thought I knew about Nate. (It's hard when you're the parent because we're biased and programed to think our children are amazing and wonderful...as it should be...so coming from someone else took away some of my worry,fear,stress,anxiety for Nate next year.) I'm really torn up inside though because I don't know what I'm going to do next year when My Nate AND Drew are BOTH GONE! I love getting to spend time with Nate and listening to his mind work a million miles a minute...It's going to be such a long day for him and such a big change for both of us. It makes my heart sick. Why do they have to grow up so fast? I just pray that I've taught him enough in these last 5 years. He's entering the world where he'll spend more time with other people than with me. And I'm rebelling inside...It's time and the right thing, but it still hurts. He's not liking soccer as much as we had hoped, but at least when he forgets he's miserable, he's having a great time! And oddly enough, every Saturday rolls around and he is dressed and ready and excited for soccer...it's just after a few minutes in the game that he remembers he isn't happy.

Andrew is still the happiest, friendliest child in the world. He is kept busy with pre-school, soccer, loving on his sister (a little too much...according to Maggie at least...I think it's adorable!), tormenting/being tormented by his older brother and eating up every spare second he can with his Dad. Drew went to play frisbee golf one late night with Eddie and some of his friends. He LOVED it! He came home so excited to tell me all about how he had almost made it in. I love Drew because he didn't dwell on the fact that he never made the frisbee into the bucket, but rather how much better he got in the end that he almost made it in. He is always the first to give up or share whatever he has, to make someone else happy. He is our family peacemaker and it kills him inside that Maggie doesn't love his "kisses and hugs" as much as he loves to give them. He is enamored with his sister but she just screams at him when he comes near her. I'm sure as she gets older and can start using her words and Andrew gets older and can start realizing what she likes/doesn't like and what is appropriate "preasure" amounts, they'll have a wonderful relationship. What little girl doesn't love being worshipped by her two big brothers? ;) Andrew is really getting good at soccer and can't wait to get home to tell Dad all about how many goals he made. Nathan and Drew are on the same team and it is the cutest thing to me to watch them walk out on to the field holding hands and cheering for each other. They really can be the best of friends at times...so why is it so easy for them to forget that? Andrew is really coming along in his speech and clarity...I find that I have to "translate" less and less for him to strangers and family. He is really in to music right now and playing the drums (aka pots and pans and tupperware)and he's singing around the house all the time. He even wrote me a song for mother's day:

Love, love, love
I love you song...
A word in Christ
And the word in the song
is for you.

We can't get enough of our Drew-bee-doo and Nate-a-roo and find my heart overwhelmed that I get to be their mother.

But there is no secret that Maggie is the light in everyone's eye. She brings a smile to her brothers, her dad and especially to me. She just has a sparkle in her eye and smile that melt away your stresses and worries. She loves to be tickled under her chin and tossed high in to the air. She has added a few words to her repatoire, but not many. Her favorites are still "hi" and "no" but now she also likes to say "ball" and "bye" and "moo" and "uh-oh" and "eeee" for three and "good" after almost every bite of food. She is in love with the letter magnets on our fridge and will find you anywhere in the house and hound you till you tell her the name of the letter and make it's sound. Then she claps for you and makes you feel like you've accomplished something amazing. She loves to put her diaper in the trash all by herself. She pulls all the laundry out of the laundry baskets daily. She will sit in the boys room all by herself for long stretches of time "reading" books and snuggling their pillow pets. Her hair is finally getting a little longer...at least long enough I can do pseudo-pigtails. She still loves putting anything soft and furry into her face and bites it. She LOVES being outside and any time a door opens anywhere, she is right there to escort you in or out. She is friendly and will wave and say "hi" to EVERYONE! She's not very big, but rather on the tall side for our children. She weighs 26 lbs, Drew weighs 42 lbs and Nate weighs 34 lbs. And each of them have gorgeous, big, round, deep, old-soul eyes. Maggie's are a light brown like her Daddy's, Drew's are a darker brown like my mother's and Nate's are green/hazel just like mine. We've recently started to play the "love bug" game where anytime someone sees a love bug and calls it out then everyone in the car tells that person a reason why they love them. And let me tell you, when I tell my children something like, "I love Drew because he has brown eyes like his daddy" or "I love Nate because he has a nose like Daddy's" they EAT IT UP!!!! Truly, they love any reason we give them; I wish I could capture the smile that lights up their face when I tell them or Eddie tells them why they are loved.

It's getting really late and I'm past ready for bed, but I had to quickly write down my thoughts and emotions from Mother Day of 2011. Because I have never felt so loved by my husband, my children and especially my Heavenly Father. I was feeling pretty blue and sad the morning of Mother's Day as I thought about my own mother and how much I missed her and ached to be hugged by her. Eddie was so thoughtful to let me sleep and rest in the morning but when the time came to get going, he tenderly nudged me to get going and to forget the sorrow. My children must have told me, "I love you Mom! Happy MOther's Day!" at least 50 times each and everytime they did it melted my heart. In Sacrament meeting (which was amazing!) Nathan came up and asked if he could sit in my lap. He gave me kisses and hugs and kept telling me that he loved me and that I was beautiful and that he was so glad I was his mommy. The other thing he kept saying was, "You're the best date partner." (Side story: I took Nate on a one-on-one date Friday night and Drew got to go out with me on Saturday night, and it was by far the best thing I've ever done with my boys...it was amazing! And it will definitely be something we do each year for mother's day!) I was already feeling so much love and happiness inside and feeling pretty good that I hadn't had a major breakdown yet when Nathan twisted around and whispered in my ear, "Mom, I love you forever and always." I instantly broke down and wept as the pain washed over me...that's what my mom used to say to me. And then I felt my mother's love through Nathan. It was as though my mother was telling me, "Tracy, I love you forever and always. Forever and always my baby you'll be." I'm so grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord that allow us to be comforted and brought peace and love when we need them most. The rest of the Sunday went by so fast and was so fun. I had some great phone conversations with family and loved ones (J it meant the world to me that you called...come home!)and really amazing conversations in person with dear friends that feel like family. I was made and served an amazing dinner and one in which I didn't have to do any prep work or clean up (it was so wonderful). What touched me the most, was that Eddie had called my OA sponsor and friend to find out what he could make that would be allowed on my food plan. I'm telling you, he was so thoughtful and kind and really tried to make it a wonderful day for me. And it was! It WAS wonderful. I'm thankful for my family. I love my life and I thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me with opportunities to grow and stretch in motherhood. My wish is for everyone to feel as loved as I have.